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Safety & Consent Guide

Safety is not optional in BDSM - it's the foundation of every scene, relationship, and community interaction.

Critical Safety Principle

If anything in this guide feels unclear or if you're ever unsure about safety in a situation, STOP. Ask questions, seek advice from experienced community members, and never proceed until you feel completely confident.

Consent is Everything

Consent is the absolute cornerstone of BDSM. Without it, BDSM becomes abuse. Understanding consent deeply is essential for everyone in the community.

The FRIES Model of Consent

Freely Given

Consent must be given without pressure, manipulation, coercion, or influence of substances.

Reversible

Anyone can change their mind at any time, for any reason. Using a safe word must immediately end all activity.

Informed

All participants must understand what they're consenting to, including risks and specific activities.

Enthusiastic

Look for an excited, genuine "yes!" not reluctance or uncertainty.

Specific

Consent to one activity doesn't mean consent to all. Each act requires its own consent.

Negotiation Before Every Scene

Essential Negotiation Topics:

  • Desired activities: What do you both want to do?
  • Hard limits: Absolute no-go activities
  • Soft limits: Activities you're uncertain about
  • Safe words/signals: How will you communicate during the scene?
  • Physical health: Injuries, conditions, medications
  • Mental health: Triggers, anxieties, past traumas
  • Aftercare needs: What do you need afterward?

Safe Words and Signals

Safe words are emergency brakes. They allow anyone to immediately stop a scene, no questions asked, no explanations required.

The Traffic Light System

GREEN

"Everything is good, continue." Used during check-ins to confirm consent is ongoing.

YELLOW

"Slow down, approaching my limit, let's adjust." Allows for modification without fully stopping.

RED

"STOP immediately." All activity must cease instantly. No exceptions, ever.

Safe Word Violations are ABUSE

If someone ignores your safe word or pressures you not to use it, that is abuse. Leave immediately and inform community leaders. True dominants respect safe words absolutely.

Physical Safety Basics

General Safety Principles:

  • Educate before you participate: Learn proper techniques before trying any new activity. Resources like Dominant Guide offer detailed safety guides for specific activities
  • Start slow and light: Build up intensity gradually
  • Have safety equipment ready: Safety scissors, first aid kit, water, blankets
  • Never leave someone restrained alone: Someone must always be present
  • Know anatomy: Understand where it's safe to strike, tie, or apply pressure
  • Check circulation regularly: When using restraints, check for numbness or color changes

Activity-Specific Safety

Bondage & Rope Play

  • Always have safety scissors within reach
  • Avoid tying around the neck
  • Check circulation every 10-15 minutes
  • Never leave someone tied up alone

Impact Play

  • Stick to fleshy areas: buttocks, thighs, upper back
  • NEVER strike: kidneys, spine, joints, head, neck
  • Start light and build up gradually
  • Warm up the area first

Breath Play

  • HIGH RISK: Can cause death
  • Not recommended for anyone
  • Extensive education mandatory
  • Never do alone

Wax Play

  • Use only candles designed for wax play
  • Test temperature on yourself first
  • Keep flammables away
  • Have cool water and aloe nearby

Emotional Safety and Aftercare

BDSM is emotionally intense. Aftercare addresses the psychological and emotional aspects of a scene, and is just as important as physical safety.

Common Aftercare Activities:

  • Physical comfort: cuddling, holding, warmth (blankets)
  • Hydration and light snacks (especially sweet foods)
  • Gentle conversation about the scene
  • Reassurance and affirmation
  • Simply being present and attentive

Sub Drop and Dom Drop

Sub Drop

After intense scenes, submissives may experience a crash as endorphins wear off: sadness, anxiety, emotional fragility, physical exhaustion.

Prevention: Proper aftercare, gentle re-entry, follow-up communication.

Dom Drop

Dominants can also experience emotional crashes: guilt, fear of having caused harm, emotional exhaustion, self-doubt.

Prevention: Submissives should reassure dominants and offer comfort.

Red Flags and Warning Signs

Serious Red Flags - Leave Immediately:

  • Refusing to discuss or respect safe words
  • Ignoring your stated limits or boundaries
  • Pressuring you to do things you've said no to
  • Isolating you from community or friends
  • Using "being a real Dom/sub" to manipulate you
  • Getting angry when you use safe words

Vetting Potential Partners:

  1. Meet in public first (munch, coffee, dinner)
  2. Talk to other community members about them
  3. Ask for references from previous play partners
  4. Watch how they interact with others in the community
  5. Take your time - there's no rush
  6. Have detailed negotiation before any play
  7. Trust your gut feelings

Resources and Help in Cyprus

Emergency Services:

  • Emergency: 112 (police, ambulance, fire)
  • Police: 199
  • SPAVO (Domestic Violence): 1440 (24-hour helpline)

Your Safety is Non-Negotiable

BDSM should enhance your life, not endanger it. Anyone who pressures you to compromise on safety, consent, or your boundaries is not practicing BDSM - they're being abusive.

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